The Paranoia of self development


The earlier years in Xerox was also a period when I stayed paranoid about self improvement.This continued into my training under the Soka Gakkai.Let me first cover the Xerox phase and then the Soka Gakkai phase.
I went through several excercises and tests on managerial profile , effectiveness etc .Here are snatches from a record I maintained of these analytical tests.Most of the commets may relate to tests and analysis from the ‘Unblocked Manager’ , but they would be references and inferences from other studies also.Here are summary comments about my style and effectiveness as candidly as I could read from the excercises I undertook.
Motivational Style :
You are a pragmatic down to earth executive who tends to judge individuals and situations strictly on merit.You see yourself ( and are generally seen by others ) as a practical man who gets results by common sense and tends to be dismissive of any fairy theories about human behavior and management styles.Your great strength is to act decisevely whilst at the same time getting people to cooperate with you.From the point of view of higher management you are perceived as a most capable executive with a mature and balanced outlook .Their main reservations are whether you are sufficiently responsive to change and whether you can think strategically as well as tactically.
Dominance:
Reluctance to assert oneself in situations where people may be looking to you for a lead.
Determination:
You are a strong personality who enjoys getting his own way and generally do so with out being offensive. You are seen as a "toughie" who doesnt suffer fools gladly but people respect you for your honesty and sincerity.
Welcome Challenges:
You cope comfortably with most of the challenges you meet and only draw back occassionaly from high risk situations.
Political Skill :
You are well capable of handling most political situations with only the occassional touch of abrasiveness – possible in some aspects of your relationship with your boss.
The ability to take tough decisions :
You tend to blow hot and cold.Some times you get angry and upset and explode with fury; at other times you go to great lenghts to avoid an argument. Basically you lack the confidence in your ability to deal with delicate people problems.Your best course of action is to enrole for a course in assertiveness training which would equip you with a number of useful techniques for handling sensitive situations.
Competitiveness:
Basically you are good promotional material but there are some aspects of your performance where you could display a more competitive spirit.
Setting Good Objectives:
Your objective setting is not really as thorough as it should be and there is probably a good deal of confusion and misunderstanding among your people as to what you expect of them.
 
I took up assertiveness as a major area of concern and listed the following areas of worry :
Social — Uptight on social occassions ,poor at reaching out to strangers, poor at small talk
Interpersonal — Avoidance of conflict situations,unable to make requests on people for fear of a putdown
Career related — Fear of failure, unsure of skill / competence level,in ability to say no to authority figures, do not clearly stand up for my own rights.
 
And so I went on paronoid about self improvement and inwardly focused on areas of weakness .Did I gain significantly from all this ?Yes I’m sure , but I laboured over it and could have made significant gains with the help of a life coach .None was available and even today non  really exist .One could however seek a mentor or even a counsellor but these opportunities are also not so freely available .Strangely if I had done a survey of colleagues sub-ordinates , friends , rivals and what have you , I would have got excellant ratings .I should not have been so paranoid and instead should have lived more in the present , challenging myself to take on higher goals , being more connected to senior managers etc. I guess there was a time and place for ever thing and I had to go through this grind.The early days of Xerox gave me the width and time to be inwardly focussed .My time in the sun in Xerox was to come some years later.

Author: hari008

Business Leader , Mentor and Executive Coach with a long track record of achievement , developing high performance teams and mentoring team members who now hold responsible positions in several leading companies

1 thought on “The Paranoia of self development”

  1. Sir… very nice and inspiring. never told you but I keep coming back to your blog again and again, it helps me to know you better and also it helps me a lot to take some of my decisions…amit

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